Listen to your heart

Last night, I was presented with an opportunity.

My current employer (we’ll call it MSO) is closing its doors, possibly as early as next week but definitely by the end of March. Not because of a lack of business, but for reasons personal to the owner. In fact, MSO has a rather large and happy customer base.

My boss offered to sell MSO to me and teach me how to run it. She knows I have no capital ( negative capital is more like it). So she said I could pay her a percentage of the monthly profits until the total (~$25,000) was met. MSO grosses $100,000-230,000 a year.

So here’s the opportunity: I could own my own business in less than a year. I could be my own boss, even work from home. And I would be doing something I really enjoy.

Here’s the downside: This opportunity, while wonderful, is not my dream. I could do great things with MSO; I know I could. And I would have fun. The day-to-day work of MSO would be a blast. But days turn into weeks, weeks into months, months into years. I’ve already gone with the flow for eight years; do I want to risk another ten on something that isn’t my passion?

To complicate matters further…I just had a job interview. For a position that would, ostensibly, pay handsomely. A job doing what I do well, for a business that I have slight interest in. It offers security, a path out of debt, the opportunity to interact with other adults on a daily basis, and more experience toward a career that is not my dream.

But it is a job I could walk away from in a few years, instead of a business that would be my sole responsibility.

To be savagely realistic…I have been mostly unemployed for nearly a year. In that time, I did not write a novel. I did not expand my activism. I did not grow an extensive garden. I did not learn much more about God. I did not travel to new places. In short, I did not do anything to bring my dreams closer to fruition.

What did I do? I reread a lot of books. I played with my daughter. I acted in a mediocre play. I applied for hundreds of jobs. I cooked. I read online comic strips. I resented my beloved husband for working at his job all day and working at his dreams all night.

Was I happy? Sometimes. That’s not the point. The point is: I have the time now, and I’m not working toward my dreams. How would accepting one of these new opportunities change that?

Or am I just deluding myself into thinking they would?


2 Responses to “Listen to your heart”

  1. Dad Says:

    So, sweety, what is your dream? I am not sure I have a dream other than becoming a sold out servant of God. I know I am hung up on being independently wealthy. does that conflict with being a servant of God?
    I want to be a good pilot again and a good instructor pilot again. I used to have a dream of becoming an airline pilot…until the stroke.

    I wonder…if one of our desires is to learn more about God…and we don’t make an effort toward that desire…does that constitute spiritual schizophrenia? I happen to be a spiritual schizophrenic. Sometimes I am so mad at myself. Sometimes I just go with the flow.

    So, is this what bloggers do? Ramble?

    I do know one thing, young lady. You are a fine, intelligent woman and you and Michael are simply fabulous parents. I love you gobs and gobs.

    Don’t forget to teach Sophie about Jesus and God,


  2. Dixie Says:

    Are you working toward your dream? If not, why not?
    Make a plan, and just start doing it. Plan out your days to meet your goals.
    Just make sure you plan in your family too!
    Nick & I are just coming to these realizations.

    Just 4 days ago a great spiritual leader said his life didn’t change until he learned that he had to stop asking what God what His plan was and start asking Him “What do You want done and how can I come into alignment with Your plan?”

    And if MSO, which sounds like a great opportunity, can line up with your working on the dream – do it! Better to do something you enjoy, and make good money, than something you have “experience in” and don’t really care about.

    Also, pray. Be still and pray a listening prayer.

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