Money

Almost a year ago, I lost my job.

In the time since, I have worried about money quite a bit. Oh, we’re not on the brink of starvation. Michael still has a job, which pays enough for us to get by (or would if we were less spendy).

But every month, when I pay bills, I worry. Will we have enough? Will we have to borrow money? Will I have to buy questionable food, just because it’s cheaper? Will we have to go back to using the credit cards to pay bills?

I pray, but I have trouble letting go of these worries. It’s the uncertainty I can’t handle, I think. Just trust me, God says. And like Martha, I say, “who’s going to pay these bills?” Who will take care of it if I don’t?

There have been times when there wasn’t enough money for what we needed. Or what we thought we needed, anyway. I fretted and stayed awake and crabbed at my family.

It dawned on me around Christmas, when I opened a card that held a gift check. Every time we have run out of money, every time I have been at the end of my rope…money has shown up. Sometimes through gifts, sometimes through insurance checks, once through an enormous and unexpected bonus from Michael’s employer.

Who will take care of it if I don’t? God will, of course.

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3 Responses to “Money”

  1. trade deficit Says:

    hii
    God is on everyone’s side … and in the last analysis, he is on the side with plenty of money and large armies.The rule is not to talk about money with people who have much more or much less than you.Never work just for money or for power. They won’t save your soul or help you sleep at night.
    The holy passion of friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring in nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.
    Capital as such is not evil; it is its wrong use that is evil. Capital in some form or other will always be needed.

  2. Dixie Says:

    I have been through the same thing, many times, and it is hard not to worry. It is almost impossible. In the Bible it says do not worry. Look how God clothes the lilies in the fields and feeds the birds, they do not worry. When confronted by that wisdom, sometimes I cry out that my children can’t eat bird food! But it is true that worry does nothing. If you have to mull over things, make a plan for change. God has a way of taking care of things, like you said, unexpectedly. He is the God of All things and all riches are His. Are we asking the right questions?
    And I agree with Trade Deficit’s statement on the holy passion of friendship. True friends will give without being asked. They love you and want you to be okay. I believe that friendship is the result of one person recognizing the holiness in another.

  3. Dad Says:

    Wonderful reflections from both of my daughters. I really enjoyed the comment “my children can’t eat bird food!”
    Being worriers is a perennial issue that is hard to lose.
    I love you.

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