Stupidest crime

As the Bean would say, it isn’t nice to call someone stupid. But you be the judge.

When the Bean was still in diapers, we lived 45 minutes north of Omaha. Michael worked in Omaha; I worked in Winnebago. We wanted the Bean to wear cloth diapers without us having to wash the dang things, so we signed up with American Diaper Service, which is located in the Big O.

The delivery driver, understandably, did not want to drive 45 minutes north to drop off 60 diapers each week. So we worked out a somewhat awkward plan. Michael would haul the dirty diapers to work once a week, pop his trunk and leave the lid ever-so-slightly ajar. The driver would open the trunk, remove the bag o’ dirty diapers, replace them with clean stock and close the lid.

It worked like a charm until one week, when Michael received a call at work. It was the driver, calling from the parking lot. You forgot to pop your trunk, he said.

Now, Michael had only arrived at work 20 minutes before, and he was sure he had popped the trunk. But perhaps the wind had blown it shut. Who knows? So he made his way out to the parking lot and reopened the trunk to find…nothing.

In the short time he had been at work, someone had discovered the open trunk and stolen the first thing they could grab…which happened to be 30 pounds of urine- and feces-soaked diapers.

I wish I could have seen the thief’s face when he opened the bag.


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2 Responses to “Stupidest crime”

  1. Dixie Says:

    I can’t believe you never told me this story!!! It’s hilarious!

  2. fractone Says:

    I didn’t? That’s my favorite theft story. Of course, that’s not saying much, since few theft stories actually put a smile on one’s face. But it does have to compete with Grandma’s “purse snatcher” incident.

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